


Barney Miller - Tunnel Collapse

by JiniZ



Series: 15 Year Old Me Was An Idiot [2]
Category: Barney Miller (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-29
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-27 00:59:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1709201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JiniZ/pseuds/JiniZ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Staying true to form, this piece is a mix of an actual Barney Miller episode, dialogue from Moonlighting (namely giving Marcy David Addison's personality), and porn that I can only begin to imagine where I lifted it from since I had zero clue.</p><p>There is also no opening. Like zero. I guess I knew what I was thinking and didn't feel the need to elaborate on any kind of backstory for Marcy, other than stating what she does right at the beginning. </p><p>Also true to form, it's written in first person and all spelling/grammar/punctuation mistakes are intentionally left in, as is the occasional "y" for and because I was taking Spanish when I wrote it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Barney Miller - Tunnel Collapse

Actor: Marcy Walker  
Age: 25

Well, I lived in NYC, & was a police sgt., studying to be a lawyer. I was at the “ol’ 1-2” (Barney, Wojo, Leavitt, Harris, Nick y Detrich.) Well, a call came through, a robber was tunneling to a bank vault, underneath a bank. Me and Wojo went out to get it. So, we get there and Wojo gets one of the guys and as he was about to go after the one in the tunnel, but I pushed him out of the way and went after him myself. 

Well, the ceiling caved in. The last thing I heard before I passed out was “Marcy!” from Wojo. Well, while I was “out”, I felt really calm and cool. I saw a really bright light, w/a lot of people saying “Go back. You’re not ready yet.” Then, I see 2 paramedics leaning over me. “She’s coming around,” One said.

They took me to the hospital and checked me out. I felt totally fine, so they let me go. They told me that when I was taken out of there, I had no pulse. Dead. Deceased. 86’ed. Met my maker. Kicked the bucket. Croaked. Knocked off. Given up the ghost. Cashed in my chips. Shuffled off this mortal coil. Joined the choir invisible. Put out to sea. Made my last exit. Perished. Succumbed and expired. (got it?)

Yeah, well, anyway. I brushed the dirt out of my hair, brushed off as much dirt from my clothes as I possibly could, & went back to the 12th. Nobody noticed I came in, so I said “I guys! How’s it goin’?”

Harris stood up and hugged me. “Great to have you back, Marce.”

“Great to be back.” I turned around and saw Barney.

“You okay, Marce? You wanna take the rest of the day off?”

“What? And ruin my perfect record? Not a chance.”

Wojo came out of the bathroom looking down in the dumps.

“hey, Wojo,” I said, “Why so glum, chum?”

He looked at me and instantly brightened up. He gave me a BIG bear hug and swung me around. “You’re all right!” he said. They he kissed me.

“Why wouldn’t I be you dope?” I said. “You’re looking at the Brass Cupcake.” I was referring to the nickname I was given by my old partner.

“You’re sure you don’t want to take the rest of the day off?” Barney asked again.

“no,no,no,no,no,no. I’m feelin’ fine, Barn. I might look bad, but I feel great!”

“I think you’re up for a commendation.”

“Commendation?” I asked in disbelief. I went into an old 60’s song. “’Your <3 give me such a thrillbut your love don’t pay my bills, I need money. That’s what I want.’ Not a commendation.” (I’m the rowdiest of us all.)

“She’s still herself, Barn,” Wojo said. 

“Excuse me, but I have to fix my make-up,” I said. “’What you want, baby I got it. What you need, you know I got it. All I’m askin’ is for a little respect when you come home. Hey baby. When you come home. Mr. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Take it T-C-P Woah babe!’ Where’d the band go?” And I trotted off to the bathroom to fix my make-up. (me and my songs) The day was pretty good. Well, what was left of it.

After work I went back to my apt. and took a shower. I was towel drying my hair when the doorbell rang. I tightened the belt on my robe and answered the door. It was Wojo. “Hi, Woj. Come on in.” He came in and I closed the door. “Any particular reason for coming over here?”

“Uh, yeah.” He looked darn uncomfortable. “I felt I better tell you.” He was getting me worried.

“What happened?”

“No, nothing ‘happened,’ it’s just that…”

“What?”

“Well…I’m smitten.”

“’Smitten’? Nobody uses ‘smitten’ anymore. I believe the proper term is ‘I like you baby. Can I jump your bones?’”

“I’m serious, Marce.”

“Nice to meet you, serious. I’m okay.”

“What can I say.”

“I don’t know what you can say, but I’ll say this: I’m smitten too. I just didn’t want you to know.”

“Couldda fooled me.”

“A gnat w/a lobotomy could fool you, Wojo.”

“But I don’t think…”

“That’s okay. You look good.”

I pulled him down to my height by grabbing his tie, and gave him a big kiss. Nothing was said. Nothing was needed to be said. I started to take his tie off. When I got it off him, I worked on his shirt while he ran his fingers through my hair. I rubbed one hand across the crotch of his jeans, and felt the swelling beneath the denim. “I want that,” I said. 

“I want you.”

“We can both have what we want.” 

When we were both naked, he had me. On the living room floor. We responded to each other with a powerful, unique and utterly unexpected sensitivity that neither of us had ever quite achieved before. The pleasure was more than intense. I was nearly excruciating for me, and I could see that it was much the same for him.

Perhaps becos this was becos we had wanted each other for so long, but never faced it. “If absense makes the heart gow fonder, “ I thought. “Then does it make the genitals grow randier?” He needed no nubrication to penetrate me. He slid deep w/1 fluid thrust, tight w/in me, moving me. I was transfixed by the sight of his arms: the muscles bulged, each well defined, as he supported himself over me. I reached for his buttoks, hard as stone, and pulled him farther into me w/each galvinizing stroke. Although I rapidly came to my climax, I coasted from it so sloly that I wondered if there would be an end to it.  
Abruptly, when the sensations in me had subsided, he grew still, pinned by the power of his own orgasm. He softly said my name. Shrinking w/in me, he kissed my breasts and lips and forehead. Then he rolled off me onto his side. We both said “Incredible,” at the same time. That’s all we were ready to say.

 

We showed up late for work. An hour late. Barn told us to come into his office. “Listen you 2, what you do on your own time is your business, but I’d appreciate it if you’d come in to work on time.”

“Uh, yeah, sure, Barn,” Wojo said. 

“I mean it you 2. Wojo, you’ve come in late enough in your day, and I don’t want it rubbing off on her.”

“Yes, Barn,” he said. 

I took off my leather jacket to reveal a flannel shirt tucked into my jeans. My fedora still rested on my head. “Okay Barney,” I said. “Trust me. I’ll make sure he’ll be to work on time from now on.”

END

**Author's Note:**

> Why I felt the need to add a description of what Marcy was wearing at the end, I have no idea. I guess I thought it was cool? IDEFK.


End file.
